Recently, an Israeli diplomat unintentionally demonstrated the power of a short, three-letter word to destroy what was meant to be a message of contrition. That little word can have a similar impact on your intended words of recognition.
In mid-December, a 30-member Canadian delegation that included six members of Parliament was denied entry into the occupied West Bank for “security reasons.” Ontario Liberal MP Iqra Khald alleged that during a confrontation at the border, she was pushed repeatedly by Israeli border officials.
Reached for comment by CBC News in Ottawa, Israeli ambassador Iddo Moed responded with what began as a diplomatically appropriate statement. “I think that is lamentable. It shouldn’t have happened.”
He should have stopped there. But he didn’t. He pulled the rug out from under what he had just said with just one word.
“But in such an extreme, intense situation sometimes people make decisions to do things they shouldn’t.”
That cast into doubt the sincerity of the thoughts he had just expressed. “But” is the equivalent of a verbal eraser that reduces the impact of the words that preceded it. As one of my former colleagues often said, “Everything before the but is BS.”
Here is what happens when managers follow their initial expressions of appreciation with a but.
“You did a good job of solving that customer’s complaint, but there would never have been a problem if you had followed procedure.”
“This is a good report, but it’s three days late.”
“I appreciate that you put in a lot of extra hours into completing this task, but that wouldn’t have been necessary if you had utilized my advice in the first place.”
“But” made these messages seem not Genuine. Praise and criticism don’t belong together. Criticize when necessary. Praise when it’s deserved. Just don’t do both at the same time.
Trust that staff members who have handled a customer complaint effectively or produced a well-written report or required extra hours to complete a report have learned from their experience. Trust that they now know that following procedure helps avoid customer complaints, that starting earlier ensures reports are completed on time, or that there are ways to complete tasks more quickly.
If creating problems that attract customer complaints, producing late reports or spending more time than necessary completing tasks becomes a pattern, then address those concerns separately from recognizing staff members for what they do well.
Whether you are a diplomat responding to a reporter’s questions or a leader wishing to recognize a staff member for a job well done, avoid diluting the impact of your words by erasing “but” from your staff recognition messages.
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Thanks, Again! More Simple, Inexpensive Ways for Busy Leaders to Recognize Staff is available at Audreys Books, 10702 Jasper Ave., Edmonton (and on its website) and online from Amazon,Indigo, FriesenPress Bookstore, Barnes & Noble and on the Apple Books app.
